Last Monday I took Porter into Phoenix Children's hospital to go see a specialist, more specifically a pediatric urologist. Thankfully, my mom was able to come with me and help out with Preston, as well as be my supporter. (Glen had to work) Long story made very short, my baby has to have surgery! A pretty big surgery at that. It is in his abdomen and will take at least an hour, with some down time and liquid pain medication in the days to follow. Hearing all the details was heartbreaking! No one wants to see their baby in pain, but avoiding surgery is not an option.

We have total faith that everything will be ok and that all will go according to plan, but it is still very scary. It has really caused me to question Porter's angel kiss and if we should still plan to have it removed. I go back and forth on a daily basis. One surgery is not an option, the other is a handful of cosmetic laser treatments (that he has to be put under for so it is considered a surgery) and is an option. I feel like there are pros and cons to his birth mark, but with this new surgery i am scared to be continually putting my little baby under heavy anesthetics.

Making all of these big decisions and going to all of these appointments has made me extremely grateful for my mom. The one thing that I often reflect on is how my mom raised 5 children without her own mom. I know i have written about this before, but my mom was two years younger then I am when she lost her parents and sister. She had two babies (just like I do now) and received the worst phone call anyone in this world could ever imagine. I don't know how she did it. I still don't know how she does it. I depend on my mom for so much. I turn to her for advice on everything.

Being a mom has made me love my own mom even more then i ever could have imagine. It has given me the insights on what my mom went through. My mom is the one that was able to ask the doctor the "right" questions. I just sat there with tears in my eyes, to overwhelmed to process anything and my mom was the one by my side getting all the details and all the questions answered. She is amazing, and someone i truly aspire to be like. I do not know what I would do without her, and honestly i can't even think about what she went through losing her mom.  I am sure it was total hell, and even now as a grandma i know she still misses her mom, dad, and sister. 

I am so grateful for my mom. I am grateful for all of her unconditional love, support, and advice. My kids are so lucky to have a grandma that lives so close and visits us often. She is simply the best!