Oh the joys of motherhood..... but in all seriousness, there are days I think, "what in the world have I gotten myself into?! I am way too young for this mothering business." On those days I usually have moments where I think I am going to rip my hair out, or put my kids down for a nap and run away (not really, but kid of).
There are days I feel so inadequate, and so unappreciated. How do people survive the child rearing years, much less enjoy them and want to do them over and over again by adding multiple children to the family?!
No matter how much I do, it's never enough. No matter how much I sleep, it's never enough. I have these desires to be the fun mom, the educational mom, the baker/cook mom, the spiritual mom, the mom that has it all, and for some reason there are days I feel like I am failing at every single one of those roles. And maybe thats when those not good enough feelings creep in.....
But then there are those days I feel so loved, so appreciated, wanted, and needed. I feel invincible, accomplished, and so lucky. I look at my little monsters and think, "what in the world was my life like without you". And in those moments I remember why I am a mom, and why I enjoy the child rearing years, and why I would even be crazy enough to do it again. I remember how blessed I am, and how i wish every other woman out there could experience a love for a child.
I think about these two little boys that need me. Not joe shmow or anyone else, but me, their mom. I think about how they depend on me for everything. How they look to me for help with not only just the mundane task, but also life's lessons, and questions on the the ways of the world.
How could I want to do anything but be a mom. I am there for it all, the good, bad, and ugly. I am there to be Preston's biggest fan and cheerleader, even when he is naughty and gets kicked out of nursery. I am there to be Porter's comforter and consoler after he screams out for the 100th time that day to get attention. I am there to watch my children grow, to teach them that they are loved, and that they are children of God.
Although those feelings of inadequacy are inevitable from time to time, I hope it only takes me a minute to reevaluate and remember just how untrue those feelings are. I know that I am able and that I am more then capable. I know that i was chosen to be these little monster's mama and that I am everything that they need, even if that means i'm falling in the cook mom role, or educational mom role. Some how it will all work out.
I would never plan to have my kids less then 14 months apart, but it happened. It's been done before, and i've been doing it for the last 12 and a half months. I can do it, and i will. I love my babies. I love that I get to be their mom, and that I get to raise them in this life. I feel lucky and blessed beyond description and words. And lastly, I love my babies daddy. I love that I get to co-parent with him for eternity.
Here's to many more days filled with sleepless nights and all things children!
6 comments:
WEll said mama! Great post. I feel that way too and I only have one! You are a great capable loving mom to two cuties! You rock!
Paige I love that you posted this... I see all these amazing moms that get everything done in one dayand I'm lucky to get a shower in.. I felt like I was the only one out there that had days like you talked about.. Thank you so much for sharing! It's a hard job. It someone's gotta do it? Might as well be us :) love you!
aw, I love this post. Thanks for sharing. I needed to read this because it's good to know that someone else is going through what I'm going through. Lately I've been really trying to be more patient with my son even though he grows less and less patient with me! There's nothing worse than when I get frustrated with him because he is so precious and beautiful and loves me unconditionally. I know I'm so blessed to be his mom. It's hard sometimes when I see all these people sans kids going out and having fun and being crazy free people. That was my old life. But I manage to still mix some of that in. :) :) You're such a great mom and great example to me! I admire you, Paige!
Well spoken, Paige. You are an amazing mom--all of the time.
a BIG dido and a HUGE amen!! It takes everything I have some days! A reminder/ quote from conference that has helped me lately... these children are on loan to us from Heavenly Father because they were His first. So I think how hard it would be if I had to loan my kids to someone else to learn on.... Makes me sick, and humbled to think about, and makes me want to try a little harder to do the things that matter. And its not cooking!!!LOL!
well said Paige. Thanks for the reminder of how important we really are!
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